one semester left as a undergraduate college student.

un fuckin' believable.

longest weekend of my life

i am exhausted.

high school

I'm slowly regressing back to my high school days, where the hours between 12AM - 3AM are my most productive hours.  I get all of my music listening, reading, writing, pondering, daydreaming, and now blogging, done.  I treasure these precious hours that I have alone in my room, knowing that most of the house and the world around me are sleeping.  There have been many important events that have happened lately; I've had a whirlwind of thoughts and have been scrambling to transcribe them.  Not only do I want to remember them, but I also find it extremely difficult to organize and understand if I don't get a chance to write them down.  

The realization that I'm getting older is starting to actually sink in.  Of late, I've just joked around about it-- poking fun at little anecdotes that clearly indicate that I'm no longer the target audience of MTV, and I now don't understand the fashion that seems to be in style.  I'm starting to take things a little more seriously.  With age comes responsibility, and on top of that, the requirement to start making some difficult decisions.  I'll admit that I'm still in denial, and although I've started to realize all of this, I have yet to face anything head on. 

Another clear indication of my age comes when I look at my friends.  The problems that they face now, no longer include the petty boy drama and catfights that dominated our high school years.  More and more I see how complex we are.  We hide so much; we've gotten so good at faking smiles and drowning our real emotions with alcohol-- it scares me.  It scares me mostly because even as when we address these problems, we dismiss these issues with a joke or quickly change to a more light hearted subject.  This only indicates to me that although we have aged, we have yet to reach adulthood.  We're too comfortable in this cocoon called college.  We don't want to ruin this sanctuary for ourselves or for anyone else.  We're only excused for being this irresponsible and carefree once in our lives, and we intend to capitalize on that until the day we have to finally leave.

gotta start making changes.

If it is possible to be too open-minded, I'd be the first one to nominate myself for that label.  Although usually associated with positivity, being too open-minded can also have its pitfalls.  I long to be passionate about something, to have a set of strong core ideals-- I want to fight for something I truly believe in.  I am too easily convinced, I always see more than one side, I'm indecisive.  

This is especially troublesome when it comes time for a presidential election.

I will admit that the Obama "hype" initially intrigued me enough for me to claim myself as one of his supporters.  Then I realized that having blind faith in a presidential candidate wasn't the smartest thing to do.  I strived to seek the knowledge that would give me the ability to cast a more educated vote.  I began finding out that I didn't agree with some of Obama's stances on particular issues, namely on the economy and healthcare.  The majority of his ideals coincided with mine, but the realist in me began questioning him as well. 

But I digress.

Anyway, does anybody else think that Tupac wrote the song "CHANGEs" specifically for Obama?

"And although it seems heaven sent, we ain't ready to see a black president"

"We gotta make a change, It's time for us as a people to start makin' some changes, let's change the way we eat, let's change the way we live, and let's change the way we treat each other. you see the old way wasn't working so it's on us to do what we gotta do, to survive"

oh, brother

something i wrote for my creative nonfiction class

the lengths

I have the misfortune of being born without a penis.  The perks of being a girl sometimes seem insignificant in comparison to the difficulties that come hand in hand with having boobs.  I have my fair share of fun playing dress up and I enjoy the express entry into clubs and parties; but what a luxury it would be to live life without the drama, double standards, and that constant worry about getting preggers.

Girls are catty, psychotic, and undeniably jealous.  They are in constant need of attention and will compete for it if necessary.  In fact, now that I think about it, girls compete over the stupidest things.  They will put their dignity on the line even when they know it's not worth it.  Why? Because it's uncontrollable.  A girl's mind is wired to overanalyze.  It's wired to think and think until every possibility has been exhausted.  And the emotions.  The emotions that lead to more irrational thinking.  If you throw alcohol in the equation, it calls for a dangerous mix. (ie. this weekend)

Although I will admit that girls all have the capability to be "psycho", I do my best to keep that part of me hidden.  I understand now what is considered inappropriate behavior, and what is appropriate behavior; I prefer to exhibit the latter.  But when my closest friendships are compromised, when the one thing that I've looking forward to the entire three months of summer is on the brink of being ruined, it is extremely difficult for me to keep my composure.  I refuse to let these things happen; but at the same time, I am tempted to just be a guy.  To sit back, not care, not compete, and just forget about it.  It's easier that way.