longest weekend of my life

i am exhausted.

high school

I'm slowly regressing back to my high school days, where the hours between 12AM - 3AM are my most productive hours.  I get all of my music listening, reading, writing, pondering, daydreaming, and now blogging, done.  I treasure these precious hours that I have alone in my room, knowing that most of the house and the world around me are sleeping.  There have been many important events that have happened lately; I've had a whirlwind of thoughts and have been scrambling to transcribe them.  Not only do I want to remember them, but I also find it extremely difficult to organize and understand if I don't get a chance to write them down.  

The realization that I'm getting older is starting to actually sink in.  Of late, I've just joked around about it-- poking fun at little anecdotes that clearly indicate that I'm no longer the target audience of MTV, and I now don't understand the fashion that seems to be in style.  I'm starting to take things a little more seriously.  With age comes responsibility, and on top of that, the requirement to start making some difficult decisions.  I'll admit that I'm still in denial, and although I've started to realize all of this, I have yet to face anything head on. 

Another clear indication of my age comes when I look at my friends.  The problems that they face now, no longer include the petty boy drama and catfights that dominated our high school years.  More and more I see how complex we are.  We hide so much; we've gotten so good at faking smiles and drowning our real emotions with alcohol-- it scares me.  It scares me mostly because even as when we address these problems, we dismiss these issues with a joke or quickly change to a more light hearted subject.  This only indicates to me that although we have aged, we have yet to reach adulthood.  We're too comfortable in this cocoon called college.  We don't want to ruin this sanctuary for ourselves or for anyone else.  We're only excused for being this irresponsible and carefree once in our lives, and we intend to capitalize on that until the day we have to finally leave.

gotta start making changes.

If it is possible to be too open-minded, I'd be the first one to nominate myself for that label.  Although usually associated with positivity, being too open-minded can also have its pitfalls.  I long to be passionate about something, to have a set of strong core ideals-- I want to fight for something I truly believe in.  I am too easily convinced, I always see more than one side, I'm indecisive.  

This is especially troublesome when it comes time for a presidential election.

I will admit that the Obama "hype" initially intrigued me enough for me to claim myself as one of his supporters.  Then I realized that having blind faith in a presidential candidate wasn't the smartest thing to do.  I strived to seek the knowledge that would give me the ability to cast a more educated vote.  I began finding out that I didn't agree with some of Obama's stances on particular issues, namely on the economy and healthcare.  The majority of his ideals coincided with mine, but the realist in me began questioning him as well. 

But I digress.

Anyway, does anybody else think that Tupac wrote the song "CHANGEs" specifically for Obama?

"And although it seems heaven sent, we ain't ready to see a black president"

"We gotta make a change, It's time for us as a people to start makin' some changes, let's change the way we eat, let's change the way we live, and let's change the way we treat each other. you see the old way wasn't working so it's on us to do what we gotta do, to survive"