Allergy?

So a few things have happened to me in the past three days that are worth noting.

First, during a Sunday afternoon brunch bartending shift at Bao Dim Sum House in West Hollywood, I made and served drinks to Leonardo DiCaprio (and his girlfriend Bar Rafeali). If you know me at all, you know that I have been fascinated with Leo since I was twelve. I still watch the fishtank scene from Romeo & Juliet and feel my heart flutter. Everything about him is appealing to me, even though physically he does not possess the qualities I am usually attracted to in a man. Anyway, the point is, my one and only celebrity crush of my life magically materialized in the restaurant in which I tend bar. I haven't gotten star struck yet in LA, but I will say I had trouble controlling the shakes in my knees when I was making their drinks. I will stop myself from going on any further in fear that somehow he stumbles upon my blog and reads about my unhealthy obsession with him.

The next day, after my acting class, I decided to hang out with a friend at his apartment. I bought a pack of Camel Blues and a bottle of Crown Royal from CVS and drove on over. He took out some cups and ice and I poured us drinks. We listened to music and smoked cigarettes. It was a good time. About 3 hours had passed, I had about 2 1/2 small drinks, and we decided to call it a night. I felt fine to drive as I know I usually am able to down 6-13 whiskey shots just fine. And a few hours had passed, so even less was left in my system. As I was heading out the door I felt a little light headed but shook it off, thinking that it was due to the fact that I had been sitting for awhile and just abruptly got off. I felt disoriented when looking for the elevator and when I finally found it and made my way inside, I pressed the wrong button. The next thing I remember is waking up on the floor, watching the elevator door slowly open to the underground garage. I had passed out and collapsed. Feeling weak and confused I attempted to press the "1" button thinking that was the right floor, and again I collapsed. This time I was out for a little longer, although when I opened my eyes the door was still open to the 1st floor. I stared out at the wall for a minute and then closed my eyes again, too weak to move. It was then I decided that there was no way I was going to make it home in the condition I was in. I decided to head back to my friend's apartment and crash there. Too bad I couldn't remember his room number. I somehow managed to stand up and press the button for level "3" and as I stumbled out of the elevator on his floor I pinballed my way down the hallway. I didn't have the strength to stand up so I ended up slamming into the wall on my left, bouncing off and then slamming to the wall on my right, repeating, then falling to the floor, then getting up, and repeating the whole process until I reached his door. Luckily, I remembered there was a white box on the floor in front of the door of the apartment next to his, so I knew I was in the right place. After I mustered up the strength to knock on his door and almost immediately afterwards, I crumpled to the floor in a heap as he opened the door. I was completely covered in sweat and he had to help me stand up. Surprisingly, I was completely coherent and was able to articulate my thoughts and speak clearly. He offered me his bed and he took the couch like a gentleman, and then I decided I needed to puke my insides out, like a proper lady should. When I made my way to his bathroom, right as I got inside, I had another fainting spell and collapsed hitting my head on his sink and knocking over various things in the process. I threw up all that I could and then headed back to bed after cleaning my mouth with some toothpaste. I had trouble sleeping and a couple hours later tried to puke some more. I collapsed again in his bathroom and knocked over more stuff. I threw up whatever was left in my stomach and went back to bed. I woke up and felt just fine. But then I couldn't find my cell phone. Or my car keys. And my car was parked on the street cleaning side of the street that morning. Awesome. (Later on, my cell phone was found in the elevator by another kind tenant and my keys were retreived in the hallway from the building janitor)

Now it's Tuesday and I decide I need to treat my friend out to lunch after the ordeal that happened last night. If I was at any other place with any other person I would of sworn I was date rape drugged, but because that was really not even a possibility, I blame it (maybe) on the CVS brand of tablet Pepcid AC. But who knows. He drives me home because my keys are still missing and I gather some clothes for work/gym, while I'm in my room I find a packet of cashews and I eat a few because I'm hungry. We head to lunch and I realize I left my cell phone in my room, but I don't have the keys to get back in the house, and because my roommate left I was locked out. Sucks. The place we were going to eat bomb bacon at is apparently closed on Tuesday. Double sucks. We get burgers at Fatburger next door and he drops me off at the gym when we're done eating. I work out for about an hour and a half. Finishing up cardio on the treadmill, 16 minutes in, I get really itchy. All over my body. I look forward to taking a shower, then I realize that my eyelids, lips, and tongue are swelling-- something's not right. I realize I feel my throat constricting. After I hit 20 minutes, I allow myself to get off the treadmill and I run to the nearest bathroom, look in the mirror, and discover hives all over my face and arms, and a swollen tongue and lips. I let the gym manager know and by this time the hives all over my body are joined together so that everything is one big raised up pink mess. She call an ambulance and they arrive, discover that the hives have taken over my legs and back as well, and they end up taking my blood pressure, giving my oxygen, and sticking me with benadryl and other fluids. All the while trying to figure out what my allergy is. After a cold ambulance ride and 3 hours at the ER I am finally back to normal.

Now I have scratch marks all over my stomach from my excessive itching, cuts under my chin from fainting, and an extremely achy neck from the whiplash incurred from bouncing and falling all over the place. Also, I still don't know what caused the scary side effects from the 2 shots of whiskey or the allergic reaction that landed me in the ER.

WTF.

Amazing.

Today I was reminded of how truly surprising and amazing Life can be. I felt it was necessary to chronicle some of its events in order to keep a record that will serve as a reminder.

Tomorrow, I have an audition for a commercial for Full Tilt Poker. Naturally, I feel confident and excited about this opportunity. I feel I have an advantage due to the fact that I've been exposed to poker at an early age as a result of my brother's interest in it, which in turn has had a huge impact on me. Because of my familiarity, I feel comfortable with poker. And naturally, with comfort, comes forth confidence.

I still decided to contact my brother concerning the audition so that he could answer my questions and give me any extra information that may be beneficial for my audition. He ended the brief phone call by telling me that Full Tilt only sponsors well established professional poker players. I hung up after parking my car in my driveway and immediately noticed two people circling my house, obviously interested in the newly vacant space downstairs. At first I was wary of their presence; I was tired and wanted to take a nap prior to my work shift. However, they approached me while I was advancing towards my house and I engaged in a lively conversation with the couple about the property and their interest in it. After a brief conversation, I found out they currently live in Las Vegas and are professional poker players. I informed them of my impending audition, and lo and behold, the woman I was speaking to is a fully sponsored professional poker player for Full Tilt.

WHAT?!

Yes. That happened.

As much as I believe in "The Secret" and "The Power" and the theories that are behind this phenomenon, of course, I have my skepticism as well. But how could I deny their existence when a situation like this happens? I really can't. Just. Wow.

Not only was this a crazy "coincidence", but a confidence booster as well. The man sincerely expressed his belief many times that I was going to do something "big". He said he could feel it in my energy.

To be honest, I don't know what kind of energy I am exuding, but on several occasions of late, other people have told me they have felt it too. I still can't pinpoint exactly where it is coming from, but I hope to continue to shine as bright as I can for as long as God allows me to.

God is Great. Life is Amazing. And so it goes.

Thank you, Thank you, Thank you.

thankful.

My first Thanksgiving away from home is now over, and as hectic as it was, I can honestly say that it was also probably the first time I actually realized the things that I am giving thanks for. A funny thing about human nature-- it's almost impossible to appreciate anything until it's taken away from you. I'm trying to overcome this flawed way of thinking and truly begin to count my blessings while they're still there.

I missed my loved ones so much today. From my dog Fifi, whose bark I've been hearing since my elementary days, to my beloved mother, whom I always used to regard as overbearing, to my closest friends that I spent my latter years with, living carelessly in a bubble known as college. I am so fortunate to have a family who cares about me and supports me unconditionally. I couldn't have asked for better friendships with genuine and good-hearted people who have helped to form me into the person I am today. Every teacher and employer I've ever had has afforded me with such different and rich experiences and perspectives; without them, I could not be the well-rounded person that I am today. Thank you to all the people that have touched my life.

I grew up in a wonderful county-- educated, safe, and teeming with opportunities. I will never stop singing its praises, because I could not imagine a better place to grow up in. Thank you Fairfax, Virginia.

I am proud to be a part of a rich culture and speak a difficult but beautiful language. I am lucky to be of a gender that allows me to participate in the miracle of childbirth. And with those two, I appreciate being born in an era where these two qualities don't hold me back in any way, but rather, make me a more unique candidate.


Although I am hesitant to give any credit to the city itself, I must also thank LA. It is difficult for me to isolate any other time period in my life where I've been as happy as I am today. From the very first days of arriving, I already have so many things to be grateful for. Thank you for being a destination that inspired a road trip buddy to accompany me on my trek across the country, without him, I would've never made it here. Thank you for being the home to a couple of hospitable friends who in turn helped give me a temporary home while I was still looking for a roof to put over my head. Thank you for being a on demand location for those who want to feel better-- thereby providing me with an amazing job that also pertains to what I enjoy and studied in college. Thank you for attracting transplants from all over, introducing me to so many interesting people that I have learned so much from already. Thank you for being a place that instills in me a hope that I can achieve the dreams that I have harbored in my heart for as long as I can remember.

I am happy here. Thank you for helping me be happy here.

With all of these amazing things that have happened to me in the past 8 months since I've moved, I must admit that some days I find myself scrambling to pinpoint the negative things that have occurred. I look for upsetting setbacks or insurmountable obstacles. I feel that I've been so blessed that there must be something that I'm overlooking, or, perhaps I should prepare myself because these fortunate happenings may end soon. But now, I realize how silly this thinking pattern is.

Of course there are many less than favorable circumstances that exist in my life right now! There is no way I could be as happy as I am if everything was actually going my way.

I want nothing more than to improve the lives of those I care about, including my own. And there's nothing I enjoy more than striving for a goal seemingly out of my reach.

I know now that I'm happy because my life is far from perfect, and that gives me something to live for. Thank you God, for that.

Bridging.

How do you tell someone who has just ended a marriage which lasted for longer than you've even existed that it's going to be okay? As much as I love my job, it's difficult tasks like these that make me appreciate it even more. Although I wish I was more qualified-- by training or by life experience, to dole out better advice and guidance, I am glad that I'm able to even provide the slightest support that I can offer to these people who are struggling to just live life.

Problems are all relative. It all hurts the same. Something doesn't hurt less depending on how old or young you are, the amount of money you have in your bank account, or where you live in the world. Getting hurt is unavoidable in this life and it's never easy feeling helpless in the face of trying to ease someone's pain.

LA LA LA.

Maybe it was the Lakers. Or just Kobe. Or the lady who was interviewing me that insulted VA and DC. Or maybe it's just the fact that it's so freaking sunny and pleasantly warm EVERY SINGLE DAY. I'm not sure what did it, but I am feeling like I need to kick LA in the face.

Sure, I have always hated on the west coast, specifically LA. But, I decided to give it a chance, knowing that there were opportunities out here that I needed to take advantage of. And I realized it was a blind hatred-- I didn't really know what was out here and it's only fair to give everyone and everything a chance. Right?

Well, I'm here. And to be honest, I did enjoy it. And I do enjoy it still. I live in a beautiful house with a backyard that is walking distance to almost everything I need, I have great roommates who are friendly and talented people, I look forward to going to work knowing that I'll always learn something new when I'm there, I've tasted delicious foods from so many different types of cuisines, and I've met genuine, creative, and interesting people, whom I'm grateful to call my new friends.

But it's still off. Which honestly, is probably a good thing. I have yet to feel comfortable enough to just sit back-- which should be seen as a push for me to really put myself out there and reap what I really want from this God-forsaken place; I need to justify my presence in this fake city by benefiting from the opportunities that it has to offer to me.

Reminder to self, real growth involves growing pains.
Must endure, and grow up, and up.