love love love..

Why do I always come back to writing about Love?! Don't I have a more unique topic to examine and explore with words? I suppose you write what inspires you and I had an inspirational conversation today with a fellow co-worker. Well on his way to receiving his PhD in "therapizing" (aka Psychology), I felt a glimpse of what it might feel like to be sitting on the "couch". It was tough.

He forced me to explain the way I define Love. More specifically-- how do I show love to others? And the root of that, how was love shown to me? And then the real problem that is a result of these two: how do I expect others to show Love to me?

I thought of the greatest example of Love in my life. Obviously, my mom. She has shown me and my family unconditional love in the way that only mothers can do. This love was poured out to us in the form of sacrifice. She sacrificed her time, her career, basically her life, in order to ensure that we had bright and shiny futures and happy memories. The way she did this was simple. She gave us everything. She brought us to lesson after lesson of piano, swimming, dance, calligraphy, basketball, etc. She enrolled us into the best schools and prep courses. She fed us vitamins on the daily. Also, she took care of us. When we were sick, she was by our bedside constantly with water and various Chinese herbal medicines. The only moments she was away, she was in the kitchen on the stove, stirring a pot of more herbs, and then making us easily digestible and nutritious food: congee. Even when we were healthy and active, she always had food prepared for us. Even when she was at work, we knew we had a plate of dumplings waiting for us, covered on the kitchen counter when we got home from school. She woke us up with breakfast and packed us lunch (even though I resented this when the odd and pungent smell of Chinese food pierced the air around me at the lunch table at school).

And thusly, this is how I show my love.

I try to pay attention to the things that my loved ones want or need. And when the proper gift giving time arrives, be it birthdays, Christmas, or whenever I feel like it.. I give. I live to see the smile on the face. The utter surprise that I actually remembered.

All I want to do is make soup for a friend who is sick. Write them heartfelt get well cards when they aren't feeling up to par. Take them out to eat to cheer them up.

And so, this is how I expect love to be returned to me. Not realizing that this is not how everyone loves. That I should not set myself up for disappointment by depending on someone to love me the way my mother loved me-- because maybe their mommy loved them differently. And to be open to that possibility. And to be willing to learn and to teach. And receive love in a way that maybe I've never experienced. But is no less beautiful than the love that I've been familiar with all of my life.